Many people have experienced dating disappointments/disasters. A lot of that may have been down to being matched with someone completely incompatible, often by a mutual friend; or by looking in the wrong places. Have you tried really getting to know an attractive stranger in a noisy nightclub?
Dating sites give you access to a whole new set of dating tools, where you can be matched long before actually meeting. But if you’re still having difficulty finding your soulmate, here are five common reasons
You’ve gone to a lot of trouble. You’ve set up a profile that highlights your range of interests, making yourself sound irresistible. You’ve chosen your most flattering photo. So why isn’t your message box clogged with admirers? Here’s why you should just stop and take a deep breath. The clue is in the word: soulmate. As in singular. It’s not always a good thing if people are clamoring to meet you. Surely you don’t want to be part of a crowd? That’s for the actual dating world, for those wine bars where singletons buzz around each other like bees swarming at the entrance to a hive. You’re not looking for soulmates, as in plural, are you? Just that one person who’ll suddenly appear out of the blue, having singled you out for your sincerity and honesty. If they don’t manifest straight away, that doesn’t mean they never will.
2. Self esteem
There’s a popular misconception that people looking for sincere relationships only sign up to dating sites as a last resort. They do so only because they’ve exhausted all other channels of meeting someone special. But self-doubt isn’t going to achieve anything. This may well reflect in how you describe yourself on your profile, no matter how unintentionally. One thing you must never come across as is desperate. Dating sites are designed to nurture a sense of confidence. This should become apparent to you the more experienced you become at sifting through the profiles of likely candidates. Once you get used to how these sites or apps work, you’ll soon find that the old you – tongue-tied, hesitant, indecisive – is firing out flirtatious messages from your keyboard left, right and centre.
Like anything else in life internet dating is all about balance. There is only one thing worse than trying to find love while lacking in confidence – that’s being over-confident. The problem with hiding behind a web browser is that all that anonymity can go to your head. While getting to know someone, until you actually form a physical connection and arrange a date, there can be a temptation to get a little too assertive when dropping hints about where you’d like a relationship to go. Some will appreciate you being so candid. Especially if a female is being forceful about what she is expecting from a partner. Others, however, will run a mile. If they’re at the other end and also searching for a soulmate, they’re not likely to be impressed by someone barking orders, no matter how suggestive these may be.
Dating sites are designed to match you with someone whose profile, interests and aspirations are on your wavelength. That’s quite an achievement. Remember what blind dates used to be like? A newspaper ad, two strangers wearing red carnations, embarrassing silences? A dating site is like a magical wand that will instantly dispense with any need to feel awkward. From the convenience of your web browser you submit your details to the website, then all the matchmaking is done behind the scenes. Before you know it you’ll have been set up with someone who is instantly suited to you. Having approached your meeting from this angle will give you a head start when it comes to connecting. And if you this doesn’t work instantly, don’t fret. This whole compatibility malarkey isn’t an exact science. There is every possibility you might not necessarily gel with the first partner recommended to you. That’s not your fault. You just have to persevere.
5. Remain open-minded
People can behave differently when they’re on dating sites than they do in real life. There may be a tendency to be far more flirtatious than they would normally be. Or to be overly defensive. Or perhaps to take things said in email banter far more seriously than if they were said to their face. Don’t be disheartened by any friction you come across. If you haven’t found your soulmate yet it won’t be because you’re too thick-skinned. It just means you’ll have to take a little more time to get used to the way things are communicated online. It’s nothing like learning a whole new language. Just a way of expressing yourself to your potential soulmate.